July 1986

INTERVIEW:

Gay Peoples Chronicle

page 7

CHRISTINE STOCKTON

By CHARLES CALLENDER

Christine Stockton visited Cleveland last month, making radio and television appearances to publicize her book Lesbian Letters. This interView was done before a reading and autograph-signing party at the Bookstore West 25th Street.

on

The act of coming out is central to your book. I feel anger with society for lying to me about what being gay is like. Do you feel this?

I don't know that anger is quite the word. I'm not sure it was even a lie: It's more like ignorance, one of those unconscious myths that has been passed down. I certainly couldn't relate to the gay stereotype. I knew I was different, but couldn't put any words to it.

Growing up knowing you're different but not knowing why?

Exactly. So there is frustration and a certain amount of anger because you don't know what it is, you can't put your thumb on it; and you try to be the best heterosexual you can--which is at times difficult. You know something big is missing, but you're not quite sure what it is.

When I met an honest-togod lesbian it was like disCovering there was air. Then

went to a bar and found all these different kinds of women, just like any other group, anywhere. That's when groveálized that the whole myth--queer, dyke, man-hating, whatever--was just not accurate; that we're all human beings, and we have this particular sexuality. It was mind-blowing, literally. I'd just assumed everyone was right about being gay. When I realized I'd inherited, a cultural lie, it was freedom to me. I wasn't even angry. It was just: Oh my God, I can actually be a lesbian! could love women.

I embraced it with joy. I told everyone in California I could think of. That reaction may be unusual.

Embracing it with joy, maybe. But I think a lot of people who accept their gayness have a compulsion

to

tell everyone theỷ like.

Everyone they are comfortable with. I didn't call up every member of my family and say, "Hey, guess what?"

My parents were dead, so I never had to tell them. Apparently that's the toughie. None of my sisters had any problem with it. My youngest sister's comment was, "I'm shocked but not surprised." They've all been very supportive. Even a sister who's in a religious order isn't wild about homosexuality and doesn't think that was what Christ wanted us to be; but she respects me and respects what I'm doing with the book.

There are really two parts to coming out: Coming out to yourself, and the joy of discovering that the part of you that's been aching to come out is able to flow, and to give yourself permission to be that.

But then there's your interaction with the rest of the world whose myth is still in place. Even though you know the myth is inaccurate, you still have to deal with other people's fear. That's really the tough part.

Being myself is being honest about myself. So it was important that I never really withheld that from anyone. When it was appropriate, I would tell people: this is who I am.

For a lot of people, approval or disapproval centers in your parents, how they think of you. You come out, and the parent feels guilty or angry with you for being an ungrateful daughter or son. What did they do that created this? Can't you see a shrink and change?

Letters to parents are one of the most moving chapters in your book.

I did have an experience coming out to my parents, even though they were dead, That was the first letter I wrote, and inspired the let ter form of the book. For me it was an exercise. Because I'd never told my parents, I wrote a letter coming out to them. And believe me, it was as real as coming out to parents who are alive. I was

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scared: how do I say this? It took a while to get the letter out.

And writing the letter back from them just blew me away. I had been crying all that day, because it was exactly ten years since my mother had died. That evening the letter from them just popped out. It was tremendously cathartic, coming out to them and having their response.

I suddenly realized from my own experience that writing was very powerful; and that the letter form could draw people into intimate little slices of lives and set them into someone else's shoes. I saw the form as a very powerful vehicle, especially with straight peo-

ple.

I had a difficult time trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say. As soon as the letter form came, Boom! I just made a list of things, and the book was there. It only took two months to write, really.

To what extent is it autobiographical? I suppose most

fiction is.

A fair amount is my own experience, but often with those of other people. The character Jennifer is more autobiographical than others. But it's really a compilation of a lot of different peoples' experiences. What reactions has your book drawn from straight people?

Not much response from men, who seem less likely to read it. But a couple of letters seem to grab people, whether they are straight or gay. They can relate to them because they key them in on experiences of their own.

They get to be in our shoes for a while. They will say, "It never occurred to me that you would have to worry about such-and-such, or the dilemma in having children or wanting to have them. It raises questions that never occured to them. So it's a great educational tool for straight people. That was one of my main purposes, to take away their fear by replacing their ignorance with compassion; and

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helping them recognize that there is nothing mysterious or strange about us. We're regular old human beings doing the best we can, and our only real differerence the sex of the persons we sleep with.

is

Some gay men--I don't know about lesbians--find secrecy a turn-on, feeling they're doing something people arent supposed to--internalized homophobia, of course.

They like the idea of dono one knowing; and they try ing something naughty with to pass as straight. wouldn't occur to me.

That

I'm asked a lot of questions about gay men that I can't answer: Why are gay men so different from gay women? Why are they so.visible compared to gay women? My initial hit on that is perhaps women in general have been less vocal, less political, less organized in that way. I do think women in general are being more vocal. I think we've taken tremendous strides over the past ten or 20 years. We

still have a long way to go ing vocal with power behind in getting organized and beit.

Why note your debutante experience on the back cover?

Most people don't realize that there are so many gay live in their own world, not people. They think, "They on my street or in my neighborhood, and I never have anything to do with them." Come on! With 10% of the population you know damned well you're bumping into gay people every day.

Rather than let them stick us off in this little world that is vastly different, I think it's important that more of us speak up, just so that people can realize we are totally integrted in life and come in all shapes and sizes and backgrounds. I think it's important that people like me speak up. So

have "debutante" on the back of my book. Just as there are lesbian nuns, there are lesbian debutan-

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